This will be a vulnerable post. But I believe that God wants to use my story to draw you nearer to him.
You may not have read my testimony, but growing up, among the many things I struggled with was an addiction to pornography. I was so young when I was exposed to it and at the time I honestly did not understand the way it was affecting me mentally and spiritually. I just knew it was taboo. A word that people made people shudder in church. And so in shame that I didn’t fully comprehend, I struggled in secret. I know that there all kinds of psychological reasons I couldn’t let go of this habit for years, but I think at some point the reason became because it felt good. And even this ideology failed me, because the “feel good” was temporary. And I’d always end up crippled and broken in shame, wondering what was wrong with me and if I'd ever be fixed.
However, I believe that failure is the greatest teacher. The years of my struggle and my journey to freedom taught me many lessons, one which I want to impart to you now:
Do not choose momentary gratification in place of eternal satisfaction.
This isn’t just a porn thing. This is a life thing.
Just because what you’re doing feels good, it doesn’t mean that it honors God.
I also think the opposite is true. Not everything that you do to honor the Lord will feel good.
But the key here is that we are to be led by our LOVE of and DEVOTION to the Father, not by our feelings which change as the wind.
Read Luke 9:23-25
23 Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me. 24 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. 25 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?
“Give up my own way? Take up my cross daily? Deny myself? Why would I do that?”
Because the Lord in all his glory and splendor gave up everything to set us free. God is looking for a people who are willing to surrender their lives in complete devotion to him, the way he has already done.
Only when you lose your life will you find it.
Everything in this world offers only momentary gratification. You will always need more. You will never have enough.
But this is not where you belong. You belong in the presence of God, where all that you are is complete. Where you are satisfied eternally. Where your soul is quenched by living water. Where you will never thirst again. This is the promise of God repeated again and again in his word, That when you seek and pursue him wholeheartedly, he then in gracious return provides us with everything we need for this lifetime and the lifetime to come.
Look at these verses:
“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33
“Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing.” Psalm 34:10
“For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.” Psalm 107:9
His satisfaction is an eternal promise, contingent upon where you decide to put your trust and to whom you will give your devotion.
“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.”
Isaiah 40:31
The breakthrough is worth the wait. EVERY TIME.
The freedom is worth the struggle. EVERY TIME.
The deliverance is worth the persistence. EVERY TIME.
The pursuit of Him is worth our all. EVERY TIME.
He will never leave you empty. He will never leave you dry. He will never let you go, He will never leave your side.
All you know that feels good, can’t compare to what in Him you’ll find.